Last week, I wrote an article about relationship advice for men, particularly single men. This week will be for married men. Because living with a woman is a completely different ball game than dating. Last week, I wrote on the caution of choosing the right person. This week, I write about what it takes to keep it.
All good relationship advice must begin on this. You’ve made it! You got a girl! You can’t believe your lucky stars and now you’ve become her slave in soul, mind, and strength. If she wants something, you will run to the moon and back. If she's upset, you will fret and wonder. Likely, in the first months of being together, you barely slept. You talked late into the night. It’s nice to have this euphoria in the beginning but it will run out soon and you will be burnt if it continues. There’s many things in a relationship that requires boundaries. Let me put out one you must not ignore. SLEEP.
Have you ever had explosive fights with your partner? When do they typically happen? For many, it is when you’re already tired or stressed about other things. Guy’s have a thing that they feel they must solve a problem right away. If their partner is mad at them, they must get to the bottom of it or they feel restless. How are you and your wife able to discuss big topics properly though if you’re already both out of energy? It’s a vicious cycle. Stay up late to fight, get tired and stressed the next day, rinse and repeat.
This is why I have the 10pm rule. After 10pm, we DO NOT discuss heavy discussion that could turn into arguments. Or if there is an argument, I refuse to continue the discussion gently. I would say, “We are both tired, and not likely to solve this soon. How about we come back to it when we’re both rested?” And I keep to it even if she wants to continue. It is time to sleep, guard it so that you can have a sustainable future together.
Here’s the truth about your life partner. They ARE the most important relationship in your life. More important than your previous family, more important than your children. Because friends will come and go in life. Even your children leave your home. But your spouse will always be with you.
So it is right for them to expect you to prioritize them. The same is true vice versa. With that said, you still need to take care of yourself. Without self-care, you cannot care for your spouse. So what if she’s depressed and doesn’t want to go to the gym anymore? You still must go and take care of your body. You still need to have hobbies. You still need to have friends. You still need to seek out your own spirituality. You still need to develop your profession or business. So prioritize them, don’t let them dominate.