looking for a couples counsellor, not all are counted equal! There are
certain skill sets required that are different from individual
counselling. So what should you be looking for? Although this list is
not comprehensive, these are couples counselling techniques that get
Does your marriage therapist do a comprehensive assessment?
your therapist is willing to begin therapy without taking the time to
learn about your history? Run. Each couples have such a unique history
to them and a boxed solution will not work.
In my practice, we
take 2 whole 80 minutes session to complete assessment. We take another
80-minute session to run through the results and build a treatment
Only when you have done this could you use these 3 couples counselling techniques:
Dan Wile Intervention
Dan Wile is a celebrated researcher for couples therapy. The Gottman
method affectionately named this intervention after the one who invented
One of the keys in conflict management between couples is
the need for understanding. At times, some individuals have a hard time
communicating their real emotions or needs. Especially in the context
of a relationship that has gone sour.
This is where the therapist intervenes. He/she will sit in as the “partner” and explain to the other what is going on internally. The “partner” will confirm if the therapist was correct.
This is only made possible because a
therapist is well trained in listening. Also the therapist has learned
about both individual’s respective history.
It’s easier for couples to understand each other because of this intervention.
Blueprint for conflict
It is so important that both individuals of the couple are in therapy together.
One of the reasons is because they will learn the same skills at the same time. A couples counsellor must give tools that the couple can take home with them.
The blueprint for conflict is one of them. In essence, the therapist gives both parties a set of rules to follow when they are in a conflict. This gives them a structure to fully understand each other before moving on to solutions.
Does it work? You bet it does! Couples are given time to practice the techniques with the guidance of a counsellor. Sometimes there is laughter, and sometimes there are tears. It is amazing to see couples finally feel understood in their positions.
It is folly to go through couples counselling only focusing on their weaknesses. With a comprehensive assessment, you can also point out all the areas the couple is doing well in.
The therapists’ goal is to
give the couples the tools they need to overcome their weaknesses. Their
other goal is to shift their attention towards what is going well in
the relationship. Why they are deciding to commit even through
Couples who are strong in their marriage are not void of conflict. They simply have so much good things going on between them that conflict doesn’t ruin them.
relationship is not always easy. But it is so worth it. Do your
homework, and invest in the right kind of therapy. Make sure your
therapist is well trained. Make sure they will assess your relationship
carefully. And make sure that they help you both with your conflicts,
but also your friendship and life goals. Anything less, will not do you
I do provide couples counselling, read more about it here
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